We are currently working on the development of a new kind of cannabis. Current results smell like bubblegum, but have an effect similiar to what happened to that purple girl from Willy Wonka. The motives of our scientific team devloping this still remain unclear.

Certain scientists are no longer allowed near our arrangement of vintage medical syringes because he claims it makes him "feel things in his tummy". It is obviously a ridiculous rule. It must really mess up the workflow for whoever this is. The others should trust that he has the capabilities to stay entirely professional in a lab environment, regardless of the feelings in his tummy.

Do you think they'd let me be a nintendog?

We've been starving Mitch in the lab to test the effects of starvation on previously unknown and dangerous species. Sadly, he got out and ate Lindsey. We deeply apologize for our oversight.

Our lead scientist wishes to assure everyone that the reason he has such a heavy flow is in direct relation to his manliness. The blood has been measured coming out at rates comparable to that of a bullet, proving his assertions.